Jasper Charles Dante is here!
He was born Monday, October 1, 2012 at 7:21pm. 9lbs 12 oz and 22 inches long - he is a sweet, healthy, "little" boy. We are so very blessed and my heart is continually praising the Lord.
But you see, I feel like I need to be honest here with what God has been doing in my heart. I had been living with and struggling with an anxiousness in my heart that something would go wrong this time, or our baby wouldn't be healthy. A nagging fear that God would ask hard things of me that I couldn't handle. We have 4 healthy children- are we "pushing our luck" in asking for a 5th? But it is not luck, there are no odds, there is only God. For God created Jasper's inmost being and knit him together in my womb - he is fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:13-14) And no matter if Jasper is healthy or has all his toes or not (he is! he does!); he is a precious creation of God's and God is good.
The 3 year break between Marilyn and Jasper has given me a breathing space to step back and "come out of a fog", so to speak. I feel more aware of the everyday happenings and not so caught up in and by them. But I've also become more aware of the problems, the things that can go wrong. Aware of food allergies and toxic loads and sickness and disease and often feel hounded by thoughts of "am I doing enough to ensure good health for my children". And these thoughts make me anxious and fearful.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24
I cannot ensure good health, I can help but ultimately it is to God that my children belong and get their very breath.
So...am I rejoicing only now? Now that I've given birth to a healthy baby boy in a beautiful home birth that was relatively easy?
No. I have been at peace for a while now, resting in the peace of God promised me:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 (emphasis mine)
Even before Jasper was born I was resting in that peace, giving thanks, no matter the outcome. My one and only tattoo references Psalm 104:33:
"I will sing to the Lord all my life, I will sing praise to my God as long as I live."
Contingent upon no circumstance, I will praise my God.
Ah- but you came for a birth story, didn't you?
Sunday, September 30 we went for a 2-3 mile walk/hike with the kids and I had pretty strong contractions but nothing I had to stop for. Erik wanted to keep on walking but I had my heart set on an October baby so we came home and had dinner and went to bed. Contractions lasted until 1am but I got some good sleep anyway. Monday morning I decided not to start schoolwork with the kids but instead to clean the house to see if we could get the contractions going again.
That helped and contractions came with a definite downward pressure, helping reassure me that yes, this indeed was the time. (You'd think this being the 5th time I'd have some idea!) I called my midwives to let them know.
Erik wondered if he should just stay home from work after lunch but decided to head back in to finish up the job he was working on. When he was done with that he came home and started setting up the birthing tub. The kids got excited and started asking "Are we going to have a baby today?!"
I called my midwives again and they came. I texted my sisters (who were living and working in Cannon Beach); Mindy took a personal day at work and came down to help corral kids and Bethany came down when she got off work. Erik's boss' wife brought over dinner.
The afternoon passed with much talk, laughter, reading about placentas and regular contractions. Oh and a fan blowing cool air, it's been unusually warm around here.
Towards evening I climbed into the birthing tub to help with relaxation between contractions. Oh how I love the birthing tub!
My water soon broke and surrounded by Erik, my sisters, my wonderful midwives and all the other kiddos, Jasper Charles Dante was born at
The kids helped take down the tub.
Erik's parents came and took the 4 older kids to their house for a few days and Jasper and I spent quite a few days in bed resting. It is so wonderful to have this amount of support and help.
We are quite taken with our new little man.
|"Jasper made a face like this!"|
To God be the glory- great things He has done. Amen.
Time sure flies when you're having fun: