For historically not being a very emotional person, today was a bit of a shocker. I think that today I have hit most all levels of emotions. Exhausted despair to calm peace and the gamut of emotions in between. And yes, I did cry. A few times. But in it all, God is faithful. Here I pause. God is faithful, what does that mean? I've sat here and reread that phrase about 6 times and I wonder...is that just a phrase I've heard so many times that it seems fitting to throw it out there on such occasions as this, or does he continue to prove that He is able and that He will act on your behalf, that He will come through for you. He is faithful in His character to be what He has always been.
I've come to realize that as much as I know what I've been taught, I don't really know God. Sure I can spout off some of the attributes of God, but why is that? Because I have been taught them? Because I've seen the cool lists done in fancy writing on someone's wall? I'm tired of believing blindly in what other's have said and yet I'm scared. As much as I say that God is faithful, and as much as He has answered my prayers, even the times when I've heard His voice there still remains in me fear that He will not come through for me in the future. I am afraid to delve deeper into who He is. I'm afraid to know Him because I don't know what that would require of me and I know already that I will not be enough...but isn't that the whole idea behind salvation through Jesus Christ? We are not enough on our own that's why we need Jesus.
Today I needed Jesus, today I needed the comfort of His Spirit and today I needed Him to come through in a tangible way and today He answered. He answered in the form of a friend coming to keep an eye on the kiddos so I could get out and run quick errands. Not that the errands where important in and of themselves, but the space to breathe a minute by myself was important. Fresh air can do wonders for breathing hope back into a tired spirit. God answered my prayer for help and knowing that He arranged that for me was amazing.
So yes, God is faithful and He wants to come through for you, you just have to ask Him. As Steven Curtis Chapman sings, "I'm diving in, I'm going deep in over my head, I want to be caught in the rush , lost in the flow, in over my head I want to go. The river is deep, the river is wide, the river's water is alive, so sink or swim, I'm diving in."