It seems that parenting and worrying go hand in hand. Now, to some of you it may sound like I am stating the obvious and I am but stay with me. I won't say that I never worried before I had children but I thought I had it a little more under control. My favorite verse for awhile was Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. And for those of you that know me well, know that I'm pretty laid back. Sometimes though the ferocious irrational fears rear their ugly heads. Ever have those? A few months ago, I kid you not, I was driving to a friends house in the evening on a back road that was mostly deserted with all my children and without Erik and this is what started running through my head, "It's still hunting season, what if a hunter didn't know he was near a road and shot at something and missed and the bullet went awry and hit my suburban's tire and made me go off the road and crash and I died, who would find my children? What would happen to them?" I reached over and turned on the cd player because I knew the kid's praise song cd was in there and the thoughts vanished.
Last night I was laying in bed and my head hurt and my nose was stuffy and my brain started in on, "What if this is the start of some unknown disease that suddenly takes your life, what will happen to Erik? What will happen to your children? How will they cope with losing their mother?" Melodrama, oh how I dislike thee.
I'm not fearful of my death, I know where I'm going. It's the fear (and what is worry but fear by another name) for my children if I am suddenly gone.
So I lay there in bed praying why these foolish thoughts? And this is what God showed me.
It all comes down to my view of Him. I believe he is good, I believe it in my life but I need to start believing it for my children and my family. Do I believe him when he says he is a father to the fatherless? Psalm 68:5 (Or a mother to the motherless?) Do I literally believe Him? Do I believe that in all things God works for the good of those who love him? Romans 8:28
Why yes, yes I do. Now I just need to start acting like it.
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:27
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7