The other night after all the kiddos were kissed and hugged thoroughly and tucked in bed Erik and I sat on the front porch, me with a notebook, pen and cup of tea and Erik with the guitar and we had a very pleasant evening singing, pondering and watching the fog roll in around the cellphone tower on the hill. (I never thought I would find a cellphone tower beautiful but you should have seen the fog around it!) And as I was sitting there I realized just how content I am...just in general and how comfortable I have become in my own skin; in who I am and where I am. It is a very peaceful feeling. It's not a comfortable-ness of laziness; I feel I'm busier than ever, chasing kiddos, trying to get my garden done, cleaning up the yard, making bread, keeping house and children clean etc. but it's rather a comfortable-ness of knowing who I am amongst all these things. I sat there on my porch pondering where I was 7 or 8 years ago when I was wondering "what to do, where to go, who to be" (from a song I wrote at the end of high school) and where I am now. I know that I don't have everything figured out and I know I never will but I know who does and I want to draw close to Him; to keep growing and learning. Heaven knows there are many areas where I need to grow.
When I was in middle school my sunday school teacher used to ask us who we were and we were suppose to have an answer picked out (from a list none-the-less) so that we would never forget where our actual identity is found. Mine was/is:
"I am not the great I AM but by the grace of God I am what I am."
So I am what I am and I really like it.